i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
