i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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