Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
