I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
