I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
