I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
