She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
