I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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