I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
