did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
