Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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