So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
