i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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