So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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