people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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