why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize