You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the day after is always just damage control
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize