I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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