This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize