You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
