I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
