my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
