That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
