i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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