Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
