We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
