So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found puke in my bra..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize