Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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