Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
