god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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