the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
