My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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