That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize