You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to align my fucking chakras
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
