If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
