You made me cry and you don't even care
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
