Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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