ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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