I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
