Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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