Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
