Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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