By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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