sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
