Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
