when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
