"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
