i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He passed out mid-signature
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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