Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Small penises have feelings too.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
