tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
