One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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