I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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