We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize