in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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