the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
