I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
