That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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