dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
