So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
