If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
