In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
