Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
