PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I did not marry a roomba.
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