I think I just saw someone hide a body.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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