a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
