There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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