After last night, I could never be a politician.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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