i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
