Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
