You work out of a Hotel?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
