Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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