Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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