Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
